The Plateau

Since the last time I've blogged, things have been alright. My meditation sessions are a lot more smooth. Less dozing off and more meditating. 20 minutes seems a lot shorter now than when I first started. Everything else is kind of meh. I'm pretty sure I'm being productive, but I feel kind of flat. It's nothing like the optimism and positivity that I was experiencing from the beginning of my break. It's not necessarily negative either. I'm just...neutral?

I've reached a plateau on all my upper body workouts, but I'm not sure if it's really a plateau or if I'm just thinking it is. I've gotten my pushup number to 10 and my diamond pushups to 6, which is a significant improvement from last week. I guess I'm just not feeling the lifting this week haha. It's okay. All that matters is that I tried, and I did it. 

If there's an important thing I learned from lifting, it's that most things are all in our minds. Lifting is almost a mindset. Sometimes you feel like you can't lift something, but you don't really know that until you try. That's why you see a lot of people with that pre-lifting ritual (?) where they kind of jump back and forth and take deep breaths. They are mentally preparing themselves for what is to come. I always think things like, "Can I lift this? Is this too heavy? No, I can do it. It's time I move up..." before I lift. I'm sure others are going through something similar. Also, don't give up too easily, some things in life just come by slower than others. Hard work will be worth it in the end. I've been lifting for almost half a year, and I still don't look like a personal trainer!! HAHA It'll take time. My visible improvements are small, but they are there.

I'm catching myself looking at my phone and facebook a lot these past two days. I guess the good start may have been a little deceiving. X messaged me on Tuesday asking to hangout on V-day, but I'm not sure if he means to put a temporary hold on the break or just meet like friends...Messaging and texting is so vague x_x Anyways, ever since then I keep looking at my phone knowing full well that he isn't going to send me anything else. At least it's not as bad as it used to be. That same anxiety of, "Is he going to look at my message now? Is he going to text me back?" and all those other almost-obsessive thoughts aren't really there. I think now it's just a habit to check for his messages. I do find myself missing him at night though. Like I mentioned with the message-anxiety, it's nothing like how it used to be. Before, it was like an unbearable burning feeling. Now, it's more like, "Oh, I haven't talked to him in awhile. I wonder how he's doing, and if he's okay."

They may seem like no big deal, but to me these are great improvements. I only hope that I continue to move forward from now and don't ever revert back. I like where I'm heading even though I've been feeling quite "meh" lately.