Today I'm really feeling that empty feeling where X was. I think a large part of it has to do with me being so unproductive. It's my first speed bump in this journey. I need to spend more time alone and with myself at times like this, but I have noticed that in the last few days I have not been allowing myself this. I have been keeping Netflix on just for the sake of noise. If not netflix, then some sort of music. But I need to be silent and alone with my thoughts to be truly with myself. I really should go on facebook less frequently. It's not healthy to be constantly talking to my friends over facebook messenger. Ultimately, I continue to spend time with others even if it is not physically. I think it's when I find myself constantly with occupying my mind so as to have this "alone time" that I start searching for X. Opening up previous fb messages, going on instagram & wondering if there's a new post, looking through old texts. I go as far as going back on my tumblr (which i rarely use now) to see what kinds of things he is writing and how he is doing.
Well, there's still time before this day ends. I'm going to go to the gym now. It's leg day! Gotta get that butt.
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